Friday, August 12, 2011

my house has been hit by a dog tornado

in this final very exciting installment of How Dirty is My House? (part one is here; part two is here), i'm going to tell you a secret: my house is a bigger disaster than i previously let on, and i really can't take it anymore. if desmond doesn't get to a point where he can be trusted around normal household objects, i don't know what i'm going to do. what i do know is that i very much do not enjoy living in a house that looks like someone is moving in or out of it--particularly because it was only last june that we actually did move into it. i can look past the damaged door frames and moldings and scratched wall paint, i swear! i really do believe we'll be able to fix all of that soon and he won't touch it. our stuff, on the other hand, i do not have high hopes for at this point.

by april of 2012, once we've had him for a year and he is over 2 years old, we need to have our lives back to normal or we're going to figure out other options. i cannot continue to live like this:

no curtains & a raised cord. you have no idea how much trouble i have getting this cord down when i want to open the window. it always gets stuck on the piece of curtain hanger that's still in the wall. both front windows are like this.

no lamp on the side table; decorative items & valuable books removed from the bottom shelves and tucked into other spots; no decor on the occasional table behind the couch. in fact, that table is now shoved back against those windows with the couch in front of it, so desmond can't get into what is stored under the table. this is successful in keeping me away as well. (side note: we don't leave the doggie blankets out on the furniture when we have company. it's the least we can do.)

no plant (R.I.P.) or anything decorative in the corner (though i really want to put a bench or another chair here. funny, right?); virtually empty entertainment center. wanna watch a DVD? nope. wanna play rock band? sorry. wanna listen to music? not unless it's on the fios music channels. the only reason the bottom shelf has anything still on it is to hide the wires a little bit. i'm pushing for a new, enclosed TV stand & a wall-mounted TV. i'm getting nowhere with my pleas.

i also do not want to continue to live like this:

no centerpiece on the table & no decorative items on that little corner shelf behind the benches.

here's our empty bar (all our liquor is upstairs in an off-limits bedroom closet); missing shelf (he kept knocking it down); behind those bottom doors, we have a box full of our stuff that had to be moved from elsewhere and desmond's sprays; pile of clean laundry that was easier to toss on top of the bar than put away; partially raised blinds that have to stay that way at all times because he chewed on them; and some random, small items shoved into and behind the bottom wine bottle holders.

no runner or decorative items on our dresser or wine fridge
and here's the other set of blinds we also have to keep open, because he chewed them up. he actually did more damage to this set, which is why it's opened more. (please note my pile of crap on the dresser. it's a package, my new purse, and a scarf. that package and maybe the scarf are the kinds of things that we would leave sitting around for a day or two, pre-desmond, if we were busy doing other stuff. now, everything has to get put away every night/morning. more on that later...)

i absolutely hate having to keep the blinds up. obviously, one of these windows looks right into the neighbor's window (all that separates our houses is her driveway), and i highly doubt she or her daughter want to see me traipsing around in my mismatched PJs. i'm fairly certain all the people in the park aren't too keen on that either. that's what's outside our other window, a big park. well, our yard comes first, and we do have a fence, but the window sits higher than the fence, so you can see right into the park--and the park can see right into my fashion show.

as you can imagine, i am pushing to get new window treatments (in addition to the TV stand). ideally, i'd like to finally get the wood blinds i've been coveting for years or maybe roman shades or something a bit more decorative than the crappy plastic ones currently in place. husband thinks this is a terrible idea, because desmond will just eat them, but i say if we raise them before we leave we'll be fine. and then i don't have to feel uncomfortable every time darkness falls and we have a light on. who's with me??

the dining & living rooms are not the only spaces that look less lived-in. there's also the kitchen--from which we have removed the trash bins, spice rack, coffee k-cups, knife block, dish towel, and apron--where our drawers and cabinets are set up with child locks.

our very small hallway area has also gotten this nothing-in-it treatment. we used to leave coats, hats, shoes here when needed or when laziness struck. not an option anymore. this should become quite interesting in the winter... plus, normal people can leave out their dog's leash and walk accessories so it's an easy exit every time. we are not that fortunate.

"i'm sorry mom & dad! i'll try to be good from now on, honest!!"

where have all of these removed items gone to? some have been shoved in boxes, drawers, cabinets, and closets--and remain there most days. others are objects that we need to use fairly often, if not on a daily basis; therefore, they need to be somewhat accessible and semi-easily moved before we head out the door.


the spare room: where everything goes to die sit in a pile
this is just a snippet of what we are actually dealing with at Casa Forge, but i assume you understand why this is a problem. our spare room has become the catchall room. it holds our trash bins & recycling; desmond's food & treats & toys; tools and cleaning products; BJ's-sized packages of paper goods; random decorative items; the things from the kitchen; piles of mail or paperwork we need to deal with; piles of dry cleaning & things that need to be tailored; sneakers we wear on our doggie walks; plus all the things that are supposed to go in this room (like boxes of sweatshirts, swimsuits, and winter outerwear).

things and people (you have to walk through here to get to the master bedroom) are going in & out of this very small room/glorified closet every single day, and it's constantly a mess. even the task of feeding desmond is difficult, because you have to move the trash bins/boxes/vacuum (yes, we have a regular vacuum in addition to the roomba) to get to his food bin, and there's nowhere for stuff to go, even for five minutes.

so, this is my life. it looks and smells and feels like a dog has taken complete control. it's very frustrating sometimes, and i cannot wait for the day that we don't have to live like this, but it's very easy to forget all about it when desmond crawls into my lap and nuzzles his face between my knees. or when he's looking all cute and sweet and innocent, like this:

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